Noster Nostri
by melting waffles
Summary: With the way things have been going, Ragna hardly thinks that now is the best time to be playing family. Still, with everything coming to an abrupt standstill, he figures now is probably the only time they have to get it right this second time around. If he doesn't kill Jin first, that is.
1. set in motion

Disclaimer: I do not own Blazblue or any of its characters.

A/N: This was a small story I had worked on about three years ago and had mostly forgotten, a small reprieve from the lengthy writing that I normally gravitate towards. Please enjoy, and any comments or critique is certainly welcomed.

Spoilers for Calamity Trigger.

* * *

The creak of the floorboards beneath his boots draws an unpleasant face from the stepper. He briefly thinks about taking them off, but one quick glance over at the still slumbering form knocks the thought away. The boots can be cast aside later, after he makes sure that the sleeping blond is all right. Treading softer, he stops at the bedside, mismatching eyes gazing down at the innocent form of his younger sibling. Ragna frowns quietly when he makes a small noise, a whimper almost, and reaches to place a hand against his forehead.

"God," he whispers to himself, shaking his head when nothing but the chill of ice creeps through his body. It is gone, however, just as quickly as it had come.

Ragna turns away, satisfied that Jin won't be dying or even waking up any time soon, and sits in a chair, one of two in the small room that he is currently occupying with the other blond. He tries not to think of all the times he had taken care of Jin in the past, when the smaller boy had fallen ill and had no one but himself to look after him. Instead, he thinks of how skewed the world has become and how ridiculous things have turn.

With a sigh, he rubs at his face, somehow still too weary despite the hour of rest he had managed before waking up in a cold sweat. The memories of his and Jin's battle are still too fresh in his mind. Ragna tries not to think about it, averts his attention to his surroundings instead and listens for his little brother's breaths. It is ironic, honestly, that after spending years away from Jin, avoiding Jin, and just outright ignoring Jin, he ends up with him, trapped in this forsaken shack and unable to pretend like he doesn't exist. Maybe it isn't a bad thing, a chance to become siblings once more because they are all they have left, all that they belong to. It is a chance to revert back to the simpler days of childhood. But the minute that Jin wakes up, Ragna knows that he will be compelled into thinking otherwise. It won't take long for one of them (and Ragna just knows for certain that it won't) to crack, to push a little too far.

He entertains the idea of leaving. Just upping and leaving Jin, here, by himself. Again. But then chides himself for even thinking such a horrible thing because no matter what happened or will happen, he is Jin's older brother. It is a fact that will never change.

It is when Ragna contemplates beginning dinner that Jin stirs, moaning softly, oh so softly like a wounded child's cry. The older male subdues the urge to rush over to his bedside, instead watching from his spot. There is still a chance that Jin may lash out, especially if he couldn't remember what had happened before.

With two colored eyes focused on his little brother, Ragna waits patiently, silently, as emerald eyes flutter into view, disconcerted and glazed over.

"Nii-san…?"

It is the first word out of his mouth, and Ragna cringes, wonders if it is his fault that Jin developed such a dependency on him. Because he wanted him to. He wanted to provide Jin with everything he could, to be the best surrogate parent he could possibly be to both him and Saya. He was too blinded by his own selfish wants to even think about how it could have twisted so horribly.

"You're awake," he says stiffly, getting up and slowly making his way over to Jin's bedside, cautious.

Jin stares at him, the seconds elongating into minutes. His emerald eyes stare into Ragna's own discolored ones as if trying to peer into his mind and tear apart his existence with one glance. But the longer Ragna returns the stare, the more he sees that there is nothing but a childish blankness in Jin's own, and despite himself, he can't help but worry. He wishes Jin would say something, react, and realizes how hypocritical he is. He wipes away the feeling of shame, however, for the time being.

"Nii-san…" murmurs Jin again, blinking like he is a child again, and everything between them is right.

"Are you hurting anywhere?" It is a little awkward, caring for Jin once more after all these years. His words do not come out as smoothly as they used to, and his concern barely surfaces, unlike in the past. He wonders if things can be different because they are different now.

Jin doesn't seem to realize anything just yet, and instead shakes his head. "Nii-san. I found you," he says, only this time, it is without the insanity glinting in his eyes and without the madness coating his words. It is a plain, simple statement, and Ragna wonders how long it has been since he has heard Jin speak so…normally. Somehow, Ragna knows that this will be the last time he will get to witness Jin as lucid as back in their childhood.

He doesn't speak; lets Jin do all the talking.

"I thought you were dead. For so long, I thought you were dead. But you're here. You're here now, Nii-san," Jin almost babbles, a misty smile curving his lips as he stares with childlike adoration at Ragna's face. He raises an ungloved hand, outstretched to touch his older brother, but the hand drops back down onto the bed. Jin laughs. The sound is airy and innocent, shrieking into Ragna's ears, and he almost screams at Jin to shut up because he can't take the sound. Can't take the sound of the old Jin, of the younger Jin he knew before he (because it's all his fault, it's his fault his little brother became this way) twisted and mangled him into this. But he swallows his screams and instead stares back down because that hint of psychosis is beginning to percolate back into Jin's system. He can see it just twisting.

Ragna is about to leave, go off into another part of the room because he can't look at Jin any longer without the guilt eating away at his insides, when fingers brush against his own before clutching tightly. His brow sneaks up as he glances down at their hands, Jin's grasping onto his own like they are children again, and Jin is afraid or hurt or just wanting (needing, even) him there.

"You're here, Nii-san," the blond repeats, eyes shining and fingers tightly wrapped around his own. His voice is only slightly raw with the laughter from before. "I was waiting for you and, you're here now. You're alive and here, with me."

And Ragna understands his underlying implication, is forced to understand. He tugs his hand away, turning around without a word. But Jin just smiles because he could feel the warmth radiating from Ragna's hand, as gentle and hot as he remembers it to be from all these years. Ragna would be his again.

Jin doesn't bother to question their location or even his wounded state, only relaxing into the bed. His green eyes never leave Ragna, who is busy fumbling around in the kitchen. He remembers times without Saya, back before she leeched onto Ragna and stole him away. He remembers happier memories of just him and Ragna. The loving touches and warm smiles Ragna used to give him, always so kind and warm. Jin can almost remember them like they were only yesterday rather than years ago but at the same time, can't remember them as anything but blurs and splotches in his memory.

"Can you eat?"

Ragna is standing before him again, a tray of food balanced in his hand and a subdued glare on his face. There is a certain discomfort in his demeanor that Jin finds all too enjoyable but hides his glee. Instead, he nods, maybe a little too eager, because it's been years since he last tasted Ragna's home cooking (since Ragna actually cooked something for him with only him in mind), and the fact that it was made especially for him—with all the right foods showing that Ragna _remembers, _remembers what he likes and what he dislikes and considered them all when cooking—only heightens his pleasure.

He waits patiently for Jin to sit up, watching him struggle for brief moments and trying his hardest not to let the guilt consume because it is the wounds that _he_ inflicted upon Jin that are causing him pain. Once Jin is up, propped by pillows and the back of the headboard, Ragna sets down the tray carefully on his lap and makes a move to leave before the damning soft call of, "Nii-san," stops him. But he doesn't turn around because he has learned to harden himself, even if he grows foolishly soft because _it's Jin, your little brother._

"What?" he mutters gruffly, eyes trained on the kitchen only five steps away. It is a tiny living space, honestly, a little cramped and probably too tiny to hold two residents such as themselves. There is only one bathroom with a sink, toilet, and shower. It is the only other room. The rest is all connected. There are no defining rooms separating the kitchen from the bedroom and the bedroom from the living room. There is only one large room, fitting enough for only one bed and a table that sits two.

Ragna almost misses what Jin says, too absorbed in overlooking their room. "You didn't finish me off, Nii-san," and there is a strange disappointment in his voice coupled with delight that has Ragna feeling nauseous when his hunch is proven correct, "Why didn't you?"

Silence floods the small house, and a sickening feeling washes over Ragna.

"You couldn't, could you?" comes Jin's accusing question, filled with what sounds like crawling amusement. "You're too soft, Nii-san," whispers Jin, admonishingly and affectionately. "Too soft."

And Ragna agrees almost wholeheartedly with him on that because he is. He is too soft when it comes to Jin, the last living family he has left on this shitastic world. He remembers too much of the past, before the fire, and it leaves him weak and foolish because even after everything, he can't bring himself to cause serious harm to Jin, can't attack with the true intent to kill. Not to his younger sibling. Because it is his fault that Jin became so perverse. And even if it was Jin who committed those sins, it is his doing that drove Jin down that iniquitous path to damnation.

"Shut up and eat," is all that comes out of his mouth. For once, Jin seems to comply, falling silent. And for once, in a long time, Ragna feels like the protective, loving older brother that he once used to be.


	2. too small a victory

A/N: Thank you for the lovely reviews! I've taken a year and half break from writing, so they really eased my worries :) Even if all I did was edit it and add a few things. Anyways, thank you again.

* * *

Ragna tries to convince himself that there is nothing to feel guilty about. That he did everything possible, but it just wasn't enough in the end. He tries and fails miserably the moment he hears Jin speak to him, voice joyful and sharp despite the empty smile curving his lips, "I killed her, Nii-san." He tries to block his voice out. "I killed her so we could be together. She was getting in our way, stealing you away from me and poisoning you with her illness."

He doesn't reply, just grits his teeth and does his best not to punch the self-satisfied face of his younger brother. His fists clench at his sides, and Ragna wants nothing more than to throw one at the NOL officer, drive it into his face and just shut him the hell up.

"Shut the hell up, Jin," he growls out, trying to keep his volatile temper in check.

But Jin disregards him, keeps going with that mad look gleaming in his green eyes, perhaps the only physical feature connecting the two of them as siblings to the rest of the world. "You know, Nii-san, I killed a girl that looked just like her, too. She had her face, so I killed her," Jin laughs, giggles almost like he is high off this rush, his voice dipping higher.

"Jin, if you don't shut the fuck up now, I'm going to beat you fucking unconscious," Ragna threatens, eyes sharp as steel as he glares at the other male. But Jin is too intoxicated by the memory of warm red blood staining his glove and scorching hot flames burning the air to listen, his laughter growing and growing. Ragna almost makes good on his promise but instead grabs him by the collar, jerks him forward so that they are face to face, close enough to feel every heated breath against skin.

"I said shut the hell up, Jin," breathes Ragna, deadly and dangerous in a way that Jin can't help but think him so beautiful. This is Ragna the Bloodedge, the most dangerous criminal that instills fear into even the hearts of NOL, the practical rulers of the world. Jin smiles.

He disappears though, fading quickly as Ragna relinquishes his grip on his shirt, turning around to cover his face with a hand in exasperation. The hesitancy that breeds inside of him makes Jin laugh because his older brother, the Ragna he remembers and dreams of, is stronger than that. The laughter quickly dies into disgust, however, when he thinks that it is probably Saya's fault that Ragna deteriorated, fell into this weakened state. He hates her just a little more for damaging his brother like this.

"Go… Go to sleep, Jin," Ragna finally sighs, weary and sapped of all energy as he moves away. Always away and never towards. Jin complies, scooting back down like he is a young boy all over again and waiting for Ragna to tuck him in and press a goodnight kiss to his forehead. Without another word, the white haired swordsman slinks away to the kitchen, turning on the tap water in the sink to begin washing the dishes. It gives him something to do, somewhere else to put his mind after those images Jin implanted and those memories he resurfaced with his blathering.

Ragna washes a plate clean and hears the crackles of the fire. He rinses the soap suds, tries to listen to the running water instead but feels the heat—that burning, scorching, _unbearable_ hot—of the flames crawl up his skin, suffocate his throat. Shutting off the water, Ragna curses under his breath and gets a hold of himself because he can't let every single last thing Jin says affect him every time if this is a permanent setup. A permanent setup… Ragna groans a little at the thought because it is just too much for him. To have to live with Jin… It does not seem possible anymore.

Heaving a sigh, Ragna leaves the kitchen, suddenly all too aware that Jin is not yet sleeping and, as a matter of fact, is looking, and probably has been looking all this time, at him from the bed with his all too green eyes. Without meaning to, he thinks of all the times Jin had done the exact same thing in the past, always saying "I'm not tired!" and "I'll sleep when you sleep, Nii-san," to him. He had been such a handful of a brat back then.

"Why aren't you asleep, Jin?" he says instead, like the old days, the words slipping out before he can even register them. And Ragna curses because no matter what he does, that older brother instinct is always there, always one step ahead.

"I'm waiting for you, Nii-san," Jin replies simply, and Ragna hears the double meaning more than he understands it. He grunts, walks over to the pile of blankets sitting on the floor next to the foot of the bed and beside his sword and Yukianesa, and begins to pick them up with every intention to sleep on the floor (because there's just no way that he is going to sleep on the bed with Jin—that ended a long time ago, back when they were both younger). "We can share the bed, Nii-san. It'll be like when we were kids."

Ragna wants to point out that they are no longer kids but doesn't bother. Just like he doesn't bother to remind Jin that it was he who snuck into his bed. No, Ragna just begins laying the blankets out, grunting again at Jin's suggestion, at his command despite the soft voice and the years separating him as the younger. He doesn't want things to be just like when they were kids. It is a feeling lost to time long ago, and he has no intentions of putting on that happy family guise once more.

"Nii-san." He knows that Jin is verging on annoyance, can feel the slip of his mood sliding down and down with every crease he smoothes out, but Ragna is determined not to let Jin get his way. It is a little silly and a lot childish, but Ragna does not want to give in to Jin's desires, doesn't want to spoil him like he used to when they were younger. It is a rebellion—his way of rebellion, albeit tiny and stupid.

As he flops over the blanket, Ragna says adamantly, "I'm not sharing the bed with you. I'll sleep on the floor." To prove his point, he sheds his outer clothes, folding them neatly and setting them aside, and kicks off his shoes before settling onto the makeshift bed. It's a lot more comfortable than it looks, but Ragna guesses that is just because he is used to sleeping on the floor and not always with the luxury of blankets and pillows.

He thinks it ends there with his small and pathetic victory, but it doesn't. Much to his chagrin, Jin pushes himself up out of the bed, wincing at the pain (_And probably tearing and opening his wounds, _Ragna thinks grimly) and it is just completely unfair because he _knows_ just what Jin is doing. It doesn't make it any less effective, however, because Ragna always had a soft spot for him, as much as he hates to admit it.

"Jin," he barks, rising immediately from his spot on the floor. "What the fuck do you think you're doing?!" He holds a shoulder and none too gently presses the blond back down onto the bed, scowling and swearing. It only gets worse when Jin smiles up at him, victorious, as though he has been fully aware of his older brother's thoughts. Ragna resists the urge to do a little facial reconstruction but snatches his pillow from the ground, muttering grouchily, "Move over."

Jin happily complies, scooting over to make room for his beloved brother, and Ragna shifts under the blankets, making certain to leave space between them despite the small nature of the bed. His efforts are put to waste and rendered futile, however, once Jin closes the gap between them and rests his head against Ragna's shoulder, sighing contentedly like the child he is slowly proving himself to still be.

They are entirely too old to be sleeping this way, and Ragna scowls even deeper because he is spoiling Jin. Again. Even after all these years and after all that he has done. He tries not to think of all the people Jin has killed these years between and blames himself for the blood on Jin's hands. The blood staining his precious little brother's hands.

"Good night, Nii-san."

And somehow, Ragna doesn't think that he will ever be able to win against Jin. After all, an older brother can never win against his younger siblings. Not back then and not now.


End file.
